lights, cameras, busted

I see the big numbers and assume they are kilometers per hour and I never think twice until it is too late.  In the last four months I lived in Al-Ain I managed somehow to rack up nine speeding tickets.  On Thursday, and in forty minutes, I saw the flash five times. It was like a paparazzi nightmare and I cursed the cameras, I cursed the car, 100kp/h is only 60 mph, why is the car shaking, what a piece of crap maybe a gear is out of alignment.  Something is wrong, and until I stop in traffic look closer at the speedometer and then do I see the error of my miserable ways.


I am flawed.  I chalk it up to age, senility, the first time in five years I've driven,  mistakes are expensive here.  Tomorrow I return the 2011 Nissan Tiida and I'll tell the Indian-Omani my crime.  I feel sick, I have felt sick for three days.  And on top of this, today it's a sauna.  Is 110 hot enough without a car?  I need a car but I cannot afford any more stupidity.  Stupidity is expensive.  Has it been a teachable moment?  I taught conditionals today and asked my students to think of as many answers to the sentence:


If you drive too fast:
                       police will stop you.
                       you will pay.
                       you will die.
                       you will arrive somewhere faster.
                       you may have an accident.
                       you might be thirsty.


That's right, I might be thirsty, especially if I'm hanging out the window. 


I did remain under the posted signs for the remainder of the trip to Muscat and I hope I didn't get anymore tickets.  It's strange but I really didn't want to do this and I wonder now if this was the reason for that negative attitude which blinded me from what I needed to see- another set of numbers on the speedometer. Why didn't I look for forty minutes?  I told Patrick of my blunder and he laughed: Just like in Texas, huh?  I think in the states police would have been all over me.  And how much is a speeding ticket?  Under a $1000?


I'm leaving the office a little earlier than usual today, I'll look for the utilities building to pay a bill that came to me only a week after I paid the last one.  I'm assuming the last statement, which was paid at a bank that didn't send the paperwork over in time for it to be credited to my account.  And then it's to Lulu's, for real cheddar, the only place in town that carries it, and a few other items not found elsewhere.  And it'll be back to the grotto.  Thanks be to God for air conditioning.

when that bites

Yesterday Patrick went with me to a reputable rental car business and I have for a week this Nissan Tiida.  Tomorrow I'll drive to Muscat to get my diploma attested at the US Embassy so I can apply for a road pass, which to be honest, I really don't need or want.  I've managed this far without it and I know I wouldn't cross into Al-Ain every day, let alone every week, unless there was an emergency, like something dental.  There are plenty of dentists in Buraimi and everyone one them is scary.  I don't know why dentists from India or Pakistan have a different value system than the west, saving, preserving, keeping fit, this is good, but any ailments are a cause of bad karma and the dentist becomes an instrument of my penance?  I don't think so. 


So, nothing happened on Easter.  Yesterday was Earth Day, nothing happened, and today, I let the rowdy girls out early after working on using when.  I am happy when I trek in the mountains.  When I trek in the mountains I am happy.  I am happy when I am swimming in rough surf.  When I am swimming in rough surf I am happy.


The recent Walter Mitty flick was surprisingly good and sad and so so in a few places.  Just hit the road, dude.  Of course you'll need money.  And that is why you sent your cv to a Buddhist Monastery in India?  Yes, sort of.  I'll have enough saved up to go there and teach monks 'What up, dude?' for six months, then return to Nepal for another five months before I have to look for another job.  What a crazy life you lead, dude.  You just can't settle down, can you.  I want to, a nice beach would help, mountains absolutely, a significant other, human, animal, extraterrestrial, give me something Om otherwise we're gonna keep wandering.


When I leave work in thirty minutes I'll return to my flat, make a cup of tea, watch the news or this sometimes interesting series called Dr. Emma, I think, and then it's time for the bi-monthly haircut for only $2.50 plus tip. This young Keralan usually gives a nice neck and shoulder rub to boot. Sigh. 

a neurological hand warming

Who knows the unconscious?  Isn't self-talk really a conversation with that 'entity' your spirit, your spirit? A spirit dweller who has lived longer than you?  At the start of class we watched a brief video on today's lunar eclipse. I returned to my office two hours later and without thinking googled Van Morrison and listened to Moondance.  Ah ha, funny coincidence, well not really if I believe my thoughts were already on the big red moon.  But my thoughts weren't on the moon at that moment, I was tired, the mind was far from everything, checking email, reviewing speaking tips with a student.  I think it was nothing more than a neurological hand warming.  You had been thinking moon, full moon, red blooded moon, for the past three days, you shared it with the students who by the way were somewhat enraptured listening to a lecture with images that would help them understand better. But there was no secret external source,  no flighty soul who at one time took all the credit for dodging cops and crazy drivers, for taking me to Sanilurfa and Salalah where a dude named Job suffered and died, for bringing thunder and lightening together with a rock and roll band who thought time was short for sure.


So? And your point is? When science wasn't around to explain red moons we came up with a wild cocktail of interpretations, omens of the end of time, still believed can you believe it by snake charming fundy preachers. We know why the moon turns red now, dude.  Science has ended the mythology and that ought to be a good thing, right? 


Tomorrow students do their speaking assessment and then it's Thursday, where I'll go to Wadi Jizi by taxi, 45 minutes 26+ bucks, get my passport stamped with an exit, go to the university, shuffle some papers, get ready for next week, eat lunch, listen to teachers give presentations on a variety of subjects not applicable, then it'll be home and then a 15 minute walk in the 110 degree heat for the border, where I'll catch another taxi that'll take me to the hotel, have a swim, go to the mall, eat a hamburger, drink a coffee, buy a newspaper, maybe a book, buy some camels, and then return to the hotel, relax, go to Trader Vics, eat, drink, smoke and collapse in bed by ten.  Yawn, a rational life it is, I think I would believe in God more if there was some mythology to the way things operate around here, ya know? Wind up the clock you say, and let life go on its way.  Praise be to all, say the French, drink the wine and let the world be the world. 


Coincidences like the crazy spirit pulled off, well those don't come around with much noise anymore, unless I made the effort to meet him halfway.  And I can't do that here, for now, maybe never again. 
 

forget the anniversary

This weekend I'll flee to Al-Ain and stay for two nights in a hotel.  It's expensive.  I'd rather not talk about it.  On Friday, Good Friday, I will go to St. Mary's Church.  I'd rather not talk about that either.  It is good to be going, though now, unlike five years ago, I don't like to spend money anymore. 


Tomorrow is a full red blooded eclipsing moon.  Anything significant coinciding with this event?  Only three more full moons to go and we're outta here.  Fifteen weeks without a break is a major burnout; teachers, students, fall by the wayside as the temps creep up.  Next week is also Earth Day, on the 22rd.  And then it's the 23rd.


I don't like remembering anniversaries I wish I could forget.  Five years ago, the spirit came out of the closet and threw me off the looking for love wheel.  I'd like to talk to a few about the day but I probably won't.  No one wants to remember how afraid they were for me and for themselves. And really, what good does it do to remember?  What good would it do to forget?  Well, I don't know. 


On the 24th I will somehow get to Muscat and have my diploma attested at the US Embassy.  If I can rent a car for one day I'll go, however if I can't rent a car because I only have a US license, which wasn't a problem for Robert, who left in January, then I'll have to take the bus and will not come in at all on that Thursday which might leave a few disgruntled, but hey this is what happens when you fail to keep your license renewed.  Who would have thought hoping the world experienced universal enlightenment would bring such trouble later. 


I am planning to present a 20 minute talk on burnout and how to beat it.  I see burnout everywhere.  Teachers call in sick because they're sick of working here.  There's no medical emergency going on.  Another teacher is here to teach then he lets his students out early, like really early, and I know, teaching five hours a day is a hardship. Whether admin cares I don't know and I'll guess they don't see how the disengaged reflect poorly at the end.  Already four teachers, three of them pretty good, are not returning next year.  Why am I staying?  Because I am saving and the dustbin is the place to do it, though getting a car will cut into my savings next year, I'll still be able to save enough to jump off the earth and remain, what, resolved? 


I read a story about teaching in Peru.  Peru. With enough cash I could do it.  Move away from the Himalayas for a while.  I could do it.  I should do it.  I'll have a chat with Annapurna this summer, I'll ask Lamjung Himal for advice.  From such wisdom comes peace.

Earl Stevick

A school in Afghanistan is taking applications and one of the items requested is a teaching philosophy.  Fourteen years ago my philosophy was five pages, single space.  Four years earlier it was down to five sentences.  Today, I haven't a clue.  But I do I just have to think about it and that, that is an indication that I'm not serious about working anywhere else?  God forbid, I need a challenge, not that this present salt mine isn't a challenge.


I took attendance ten minutes after the hour.  I know the girls are still snacking on their potato chips and sipping warm pepsi, others are praying the 'isra'.  So when twelve of them straddle in after I have finished and closed the computer and explain they're all absent, why should they be upset.  This isn't a supermarket, this isn't a farm.  Two students decided they didn't want to be here and promptly turned around and left.  Who passes, who fails, it's not a mystery. 


But ya know, one challenge is making two word verbs relevant.  Requests are important.  We use modals and request things all the time.  Hang up your clothes.  "teacher, I have maid, no clean up'  Well you can tell your maid, politely, please hang up my clothes. 


The temps this week are going up.  I don't like to walk when it gets hot.  It's the headaches.  And my teeth, every day some alarm goes off, a sharp nerve in one tooth, I'm in a pall of sweat.  Others ache for no reason, perhaps some barometric pressure fluctuations.  I fear the inevitable but what would be good, if I can hold off the pain until I get somewhere where I can trust the dentist to whack away, pull, rip, tear, whatever.  A place with palm trees and beach.  If I have to suffer, it would be nice to choose the place to suffer. 


So what is my teaching philosophy?  It involves I+1 and Earl Stevick.  Stevick passed away last year, a Christian humanist and looked more at how the learning learn.  So much depends on the harmony of the learner.  Is this material relevant, am I in touch with my objectives, have I made goals that are reasonable.  No amount of tools and methodologies help a language learner until the teacher understands who his or her students are in the process.


A teacher must have empathy. He (let's just say he, ok, though she is implied) understands the girls who sit in his class, the overachievers, the underachievers, those who shouldn't be in the class because the material is way above them, for rejected dejected repeaters it's a challenge to come up with different ideas to the same material.  Charisma helps but in the end, it's encouragement.  Study tonight, Asma, do something different, that's right, study.  No, teacher, no like.  You won't pass anything if you don't study.  Teacher, help me.  I am trying to help, here, this is a worksheet, it's the grammar we just finished in class.  Practice.  No, teacher, no want.  Here are the questions for next week's speaking assessment.  Practice with a friend.  Asma, where were you born?
Teacher, I born in Aseela.  Really?  Do you kite surf?  What teacher?  Time time.

hell with wind

A great shamal raises dust, triple digit temps, hell with wind it is today.  Is a forty minute walk advisable?  Why in God's name am I here and why was I so thankful when I arrived?


Getting a road pass was squashed like a cockroach on my kitchen counter.  The US embassies will no longer have anything to do with attesting diplomas which means I'd have to go back to Carbondale, get a notary public shtamp and a few shignatures and then go to Shpringfield for a few more shtamps and then, bloody then, it'd be off to DC for more shtate department shtamps.  All this to cross the border 3kms away from me so I can enjoy the occasional beer or the weekend sausage and egg biscuit.


I seriously question the value of all of it now and as a result a quality of life fizzles, such desires really, oh master, lead to temporary fulfillment that'll never quench my desire to enjoy life.  Shame on you, return to your grotto with your crappy tv and consider your reading.  A good book I do have this weekend.  'The Idiot' by the Russian dude.


 So, again I return to the round square.  I save money and for what?  I can't see and can't plan for the life of me.  In ten years what in God's name am I going to be if I don't work, if I can't work, if I am no longer desirable in my defaulted field.  I have to save enough to buy a vw van and travel around to art fairs and sell my photos.  That sounds pretty simple, right?  I'd sleep in the back and wash my hair at the supermarket, in the vegetable section.  The morning is the best time to do this when the sprinklers are turned on.


My students took their first quiz yesterday, can a nine page quiz really be called a quiz?  I guess if it's only worth ten percent.  I've graded half of them and five out of 13 have passed.  Pfffttt.  Repeaters they are, there are issues that are out of my reach.  Language issues to start.  How can I make them better learners if they don't give a rat's ass about being here?  Why does a student who lives thirty minutes away receive a stipend to attend this place?  $260 a month is pretty good for some who've never lifted a finger in their lives. 


And then there are those who did ok.  What is motivating them?  That motivation I should find a way to tap into and use on the others.   


I watched '2012' yesterday for the first time.  How ancient such tomfoolery was, surely I wasn't the only fool who was fooled.  No matter how bad the world gets, according to CNN and BBC, it'll never get THAT bad.  We're here for the duration, let's make the best of it.  Ok, I'm getting psyched up, let's make a plan to...to...to what.  Walking home is going to suck.