family faith and fear

This morning I read a plane couldn’t land in Kathmandu because there was no one in the air traffic control tower.  I am guessing the man was on the floor sleeping.  Overworked, understaffed, you name it.  Tomorrow I’ll bus to Muscat and take the early morning flight to the ravaged city.  I feel sick, I feel fear, my heart and my spirit, my stomach tremble, am I crazy for going, who am I what can I do, I am only one facing hundreds of thousands of frightened, hungry, homeless.  I spoke and chatted with a few via google this afternoon in Sarangkot and I understand the one thing every Nepalese wants to do is return to normalcy.  Reminders return with every shake, fear is beyond understanding, loss is immeasurable.  Life must continue.  There are people who need to get married, there are children who need to return to school, there are businesses who wish customers return.  Those outside the effects of the Indian plate pushing up into the Tibetan plate are ok, they and their loved ones are intact, praise be to whoever is listening but what will remain with every soul in this country is sadness and despair.  Am I right going, yes, will I actually get to where I want to go, I hope but I understand if I don’t, it’s not in my hands.  I spoke with a young energetic man and told him I’m not coming for a holiday, I am on unpaid leave and I’ve got a heavy suitcase of dried goods, bandages, over the counter medicine and I want to distribute it, I’ll buy you some chocolates and some clothes because you are good but this isn’t a holiday.

I have watched so much cnn and bbc I am numb.  All the places I’ve been to in the last six years are in ruins.  I don’t wish to remain in Kathmandu, there is now an exodus of the city, but I am thinking maybe I will stay one night if I can.  The people in the makeshift camps could use what I have.  What about the remote villages you want to go to with your instant soups and granola bars, this has to be arranged once I am in Sarangkot and to be frank, the villagers may not be up for visiting some of the wreckage.  I will take contact numbers.  I’ve spoken with a lot of people here in the desert who want to give and they say they will if I can provide some logistics.  Shelter is what the affected need first and I am not bringing shelter.  Clean water is what is needed and I am not bringing water.  These necessities can be purchased in Pokhara.  And getting transport, and finding villages that aren’t cut off because of buckled roads, this kind of effort is best met with organizations already established in Pokhara.  So, we’ll see.  I haven’t had a decent night of sleep in four days, headaches persist, thinking, fearing, and I’m not even there, Lord, what is it, those who have little, why take that as well.  Family and faith replaced by fear.  There is nothing to fear except fear itself.  FDR might have reconsidered this if he knew how bad nature can shake your belief in everything. 

So much has happened this week I can’t not think there is some connection with the novena I wrote.  Today was day six, I may not get to eight and nine if I don’t have an internet connection.  Why don’t you print it out, ok I will do that.  Good idea.  Don’t let me forget.  I am forgetting a lot of things today.  I arrived at the office this morning at seven forty and forgot all my books and lessons I worked on last night so I drove back home, the books were sitting right there, crazy, and I returned to school, taught my lessons and I kept wondering if I had locked the door so I went back after class and it was locked of course, two years of locking the door becomes a habit if your mind is four hours away.  And last night I contacted my landlord and asked him if he could come by tonite and I’d pay my rent.  When I had returned to check the locked door I made a cup of tea and my landlord came.  Was this a coincidence?  This was the first time in two years I had returned to the grotto in the middle of the work day.  He didn’t know I would be there, he always comes in the evening to collect rent.  I don’t know what to think.  But I am praying to the Lord almighty, land that plane.  It’s all I ask…for now.  Amen.  Om.

living on the hubble

Earth day calling, Lord have mercy.  Rahma, mercy in Arabic.  May God have mercy on you tomorrow and the sweet innocent dopey girls filed out of the classroom.  I know which ones will handle the midterm fine, which ones will struggle but pass barely and which will just not do well, it’s an unfortunate dilemma for them.  One student came to the office and told me she is paying for this semester and has to pass. Help me teacher. I let her know she’s doing ok and she had to come to me and I would help her, if she was looking for unscrupulous help, she came to the wrong teacher and yet bending figures a little bit, that is the norm here.  We’re not building a rocket to Pluto, we don't live on a Hubble craft, effort is important and I will reward it.

Earth day six years ago in Abu Dhabi, you’ve read my account on this bizarre day, and what is there to show for it today.  The universe synchronized with Coldplay, simple, call it a sign, I called it a lot more than that. 

The St. Charbel novena has been a struggle.  How can I go to someone I don’t know and ask for something I am unsure of, I don’t know.  Can a novena be used for someone who is alive?  I have this idea about writing my own but I won’t speak about it anymore here.  So many times I get an idea, cool or crazy and it drifts away into the dusts of indifference.  Damn.  If I do somehow find a way to write one, I’ll post it right here.  Hey, look at that, you did post one, you’re something else.

4.24.15

I found a university in Lithuania that was hiring and I was writing the cover letter and while I was thinking what to say, never an easy thing it is to promote myself, I went to google and took a look at the city and yawwwnnn, I closed the website, stopped the cover letter and turned up Rosalita.  What?

The peace corp happily obliged and removed me from their post in Panama after I expressed reservations about getting my Spanish up to snuff by June 24 (didn’t the peace corp used to make their volunteers live in a host’s home and learn the language there?) and said they’d like me to be in Albania.  That is good.  In March 2015.  If it works out that means come departure in July I’ll be looking at the moon for eight months.  What am I going to do?  I need to keep working.  Where where, I know anywhere I go and apply I’ll get hired, I mean baby, you got the credentials, just pick a damn place and go there. 

I’m always looking at Hong Kong, I’m always looking at Japan, if only the US didn’t feel like a huge vacuum cleaner, and then there is Europe, but not all of it I understand.  Wouldn’t it be nice to live in Ireland for six months with a job? 

And there’s always Nepal but I can’t give my money away for building projects I won’t be around to see.  I have to covet my little biddy nest egg until I am working again.  Such coveting is bad I know.

The organization I went to China with 400 years ago is looking for teachers for a six month gig.  China.  Again.  It’s so bad now compared to when I’d blow coal smoke from my nose after walking across the campus in 1991.  I don’t wanna.  And then there’s Thailand.  Even a thousand bucks a month is ok if it is in a nice city.  I can’t handle Bangkok for more than a day.  Please.

It’s almost time for bed.  Last night I got six hours and tried unsuccessfully to nap throughout the day but to no avail.  I woke up at six and wiped down the car before the sun rose and a few hours later crossed the border for my last McD’s breakfast.  I then stocked up on a variety of ramen noodles from Japan to Arkansas and returned to begin grading mid terms.  Sleep is coming sweet Jesus thank you for the gift of sleep  and that is the last thing to be grateful for today.  

a new novena

Pope Francis and the Dalai Lama Novena

day one  to the Pope

My heavenly father I beseech thee and come to thee on bended knee to ask Pope Francis, your beloved and chosen spokesperson for your people on this earth for______________.  I pray father you will hear my cries and may I draw closer to you in this time of need.  I also pray for a pure heart, forgive me for not treating others with kindness and respect.

Say Our Father, Hail Mary, The Peace Prayer (1x)

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is error, the truth;
Where there is doubt, the faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

day two to the Dalai Lama

Help me and give me strength to remove the distractions so I may accept the sufferings in order to understand my _________________________are temporary.

May everyone be happy,
May everyone be free from misery,
May no one ever be separated from their happiness,
May everyone have equanimity, free from hatred and attachment.

Say Bodhisattva Prayer for Humanity (1x)

May I be a guard for those who need protection
A guide for those on the path
A boat, a raft, a bridge for those who wish to cross the flood
May I be a lamp in the darkness
A resting place for the weary
A healing medicine for all who are sick
A vase of plenty, a tree of miracles
And for the boundless multitudes of living beings
May I bring sustenance and awakening
Enduring like the earth and sky
Until all beings are freed from sorrow
And all are awakened.
 - Shantideva, Indian Buddhist sage 700 A.D.  Prayer performed each morning by His Holiness the Dalai Lama

day three to the Pope

Heavenly father I seek for nothing other than the peace in my heart which passes no understanding.  Through your holy earthly Father Pope Francis, I lay prostrate in all humility and ask to only say the words that you may heal my ______________________________. 

Say Our Father, Hail Mary, The Peace Prayer (1x)

day four to the Dalai Lama

With my body, speech, and mind, humbly I prostrate,
And make offerings both set out and imagined.
I confess my wrong deeds from all time,
And rejoice in the virtues of all.
Please stay with me until the cycle of life and death ceases,
And turn the Wheel of life for us.
I dedicate all virtues to great enlightenment.

Say Bodhisattva Prayer for Humanity (1x)

day five to the Pope

Dear Lord, I come to your great shepherd on earth and pray for strength, my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak, Father on earth help me accept the will of God and may my petitions for ___________be heard in all faithfulness.

Say Our Father, Hail Mary, and Saint Michael Prayer (1x)

Saint Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God
cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

day six to the Dalai Lama

Oneness of Life and Light,
Entrusting in your Great Compassion,
May you shed the foolishness in myself,
Transforming me into a conduit of Love.
May I be a medicine for the sick and weary,
Nursing their afflictions until they are cured;
May I become food and drink,

During time of famine,
May I protect the helpless and the poor,
May I be a lamp,

For those who need your Light,
May I be a bed for those who need rest,
and guide all seekers to the Other Shore.
May all find happiness through my actions,
and let no one suffer because of me.

day seven to the Pope

Heavenly Father I come before your elected voice on earth and pray for your direction, may my petitions _______________________be pleasant your servant and holy vessel

God, in Baptism you called me by name
and made me a member of your people, the Church.
Help all your people to know their vocation in life,
and to respond by living a life of holiness.
For your greater glory and for the service of your people,
raise up dedicated and generous leaders
who will serve as sisters, priests, brothers, deacons, and lay ministers.

Send your Spirit to guide and strengthen me
that I may serve your people
following the example of your Son, Jesus Christ,
in whose name I offer this prayer.
Amen.

Say Our Father, Hail Mary (1x)

day eight to the Dalai Lama

May I find peace in your love and compassion, may my calling be righteous and true, may my humblest requests for_________________________________be found in contrition and without self gain.

Evoking the presence of great compassion, let us fill our hearts with our own compassion – towards ourselves and towards all living beings.
 
Let us pray that all living beings realize that they are all brothers and sisters, all nourished from the same source of life. 

day nine to the Pope and the Dalai Lama

May our sufferings end, may we find ourselves in your presence, free from evil, free from the tears of pain and death, may we embrace universal enlightenment and Maranatha in my lifetime, O Holy Father, the great shepherd on earth, Pope Francis and his Holiness the Dalai Lama together may your actions and deeds bring us to the end of suffering.

Say Our Father, Hail Mary and Bodhisattva Prayer for Humanity (1x)