jupiter moons the moon my butt

2.17.13

The east horizon splits, light pours out between the dark earth and sky and it is cold.  Where is thy sun, where is the warmth we need.  Prakash’s body was cremated yesterday at the Ram Ghat, his father did not attend because I am told it is custom the father not attend the funeral of his eldest son.  Laxmi’s shop is closed again, I don’t know how she feels since she was only a mother-in-law in the endless drama that came with this young man’s presence.  If there is any empathy in the woman’s body it will be for her husband who has to have his tubes untied to make his pretty wife pregnant.  Come on dude, now’s the time, it’s cold, you need warmth in the form of a woman, your loss, however consequential, is still a loss. 

A group of eight are supposed to be coming today.  I offered to clean up the bathrooms and Maya was angry that Didi didn’t clean them the way that leaves them really clean.  I wish I hadn’t said anything and had just gone along and cleaned them but I told her I wanted to work to stay warm. Ok, do the windows in the dining room (Didi did them yesterday!?) and clean the floor with toothbrush, very clean floor. 

Back in room eight, safely away for the moment, another interesting job that will take more than my moxie to land. Sigh. 

They’re calling the meteor that fell in Russia and the asteroid which flew by earth a cosmic coincidence,  1 in 100,000,000 chance of it happening.  So the hell what, this says nothing.  Live long enough and my father saw man invent the airplane and the answering machine and he wasn’t crazy about the latter. “If it’s important, they’ll call back.”  Yawn.  Let’s see meteors come to earth like the stars in the sky and maybe something can be said about change.

A monster snake fog moves out of Pame and Pokhara disappears.  Men repairing Kali’s new two room building continue hammering nails into the corrugated roof.  Oh crap, the rain returns.  Wool socks aren’t keeping the feet warm, jumping up and down helps a little.  Thunder in the valley.  I’m seeing a few interesting jobs today and they’re asking for references so we’re back in the dining room.  Phone numbers and such.  That four year hole glares largely. I know I am not an attractive candidate on paper right now.  And finding work and starting before June feels so unlikely.  Who are my connections, they’d rather not hear from you right now Lucky Jack? It really is frustrating to know God knows your future  and knows if I am going to crash and burn and lets me crash and burn.  That is really disconcerting.

At one o’clock in the afternoon we are cut off and swallowed by blasts of flashing light, pounding rain and the darkest grayest clouds I’ve seen in six months.  I really could use an epiphany Lord.

The freezing rain continues to pound and the driver with the eight Chinese calls and says he can’t make it up the mountain.  Laxman calls a paragliding outfit and now we wait to see if a 4x4 can climb the treacherous trail to the top. 

4:30pm The rain from the west ends and beautiful stunning sunshine warms and a few layers come off.  How about Kabul? Even if it is only four months? I’d still need to…blah blah.  I’ll wait a few days before I respond to such an offer.  Posts elsewhere are asking for cover letters and each one has to be tailored and I haven’t been a good tailor recently.  A stunning blue eyed wonder walks up the view top, a second look and I have to shave.  Will she stop here on the way down? I see no mountains otherwise I’d follow up.  Suraksha catches a break and dodges the long walk up a mostly miserable day but now the glorious sun is here at least for an hour.

2.18.13

An old friend had these two words taped on his desk when he was a student: “Poverty Sucks”.  I don’t think he was ever going to face a life with no home, no money, no family.  He was too smart for that. And then mother Theresa bats away and desires nothing in life but that of poverty.  I certainly am not cut out to follow the Albanian’s lead.  I like to have money in my pocket so if I get the urge and want to buy a piece of chocolate or a newspaper I have that freedom.  It is selfish but up here chocolate is shared and it makes me happy to see a little kid happy.  As for the newspaper nothing is wasted and Maya can use the editorial section to clean windows. 

As for my old friend, I envy the security money gives and it does not explain why in the last nine years I have allowed myself to go to the bottom four times.  Four!  The trend bothers me.  I see jobs beginning next month and I am eager like only a reactionary can to go somewhere where money isn’t good, but where I’ll stay out of poverty as long as I work, this isn’t too much to ask for is it?

I can’t keep coming here and giving everything away.  I can’t do it anymore.  It’s sad but I must not allow to cave in and wind up high and dry again.  I must stay away.  It is sad but for crying out loud I have to change.  I come to this mountain wealthy and I leave impoverished, the poor become rich and the rich become poor.  Well, considering how well off they have become they will remain ‘rich’ and not return to a life of poverty.  For me I do not wish to live a life of poverty and I think landing a decent paying gig points only to…sniff…the sands.

A half moon in the afternoon sky.  Jupiter passes the moon today?  Who gives a rat’s ass.

Prakash escaped, did his atma leave before he did?  Maybe he’s in one of these eagles soaring.  He got a bum brain, Lord.  Death, the last great adventure if you’re confident you know where you’re going or it just doesn’t matter because hell on earth is separation from God and how much worse can it get?

Meanwhile, I gave Laxman the gold chain with an Irish pendant so he could have it appraised and that was ten hours ago.  If he sells it (at a price I agreed prior) I want a receipt.  I fear he’ll take a commission which he isn’t entitled to because I didn’t ask him to have it appraised, he offered to have it appraised and that service is commission-free.

I’m glad this day is finished.  Such dark conversations in my head left me with throbbing temples.  A few people checked into the rooms today so getting busy helped push the conflicts away.  I gotta get out of here.