Spit it out Carl!!

3.13.13

I think the seven lakh job will be kaboshed.  There’s no pressure here to do something that is not right, that keeps you disgruntled.  You can avoid such brought on tension by simply saying no and waiting for the next opportunity.  You can tell the young woman who was not, who is not, number eight, that it’s ok to be nice and you can wish her all the best in life because you, my friend, are not interested.  And when I look down from the dining room windows and I see the non-coincidental with Prem Maya and we know if it isn’t right, it isn’t right and to fight for what is not right will sap your might and leave you boneless. 

I do have exactly 80 legal days here.  I assume I’ll leave early for the first acceptable job, even if that job is in Northern Iraq?  Why not.  The ventures into the kingdom always seem so fraught with doom oh that black magic money doing me wrong no returning to the old life because it isn’t attractive though I keep imagining being there again.  Only a spirit other than my own is gonna save my wretched old neck.

I need a razor but I don’t want to walk down to Lakeside when it is hot and here is less than five bucks in my pocket.  What to do.  Suman returned to school and perhaps the father will pick up a ninety rupee one.  Meanwhile, contending with Maya.  Water has become scarce, the big tank is empty, the second tank for the rooms is empty, the two 1000L tanks in the lower garden sit unused.  When will they be used?  How many more days before the monsoon comes I think it’s still awhile off.

4:01pm  The sky darkens in the Pokhara Valley and slowly inches its way to the city.  No thunder or lightening but this beast has high winds and it’s chilly.  Laxman was kind enough to pick up a four pack razor set so I can stay relatively clean and not venture to Lakeside until the end of the month.  I really haven’t stayed up here for longer than two or three weeks at a time.  How is a whole month?  How is not eating anything between meals?  Desire not those peanut cookies. 

A trio of Indonesians lumber in and check into room five.  Last night a British woman checked into room 2 and expects to stay here for ten nights.  The first rumble.  I gave Romulous my Salalah pipe when he said he and his wife were going to return here in three nights.  ‘If you don’t I will light a candle.”  And off they went into the big rain.  Enjoy!!

The Lodge is full before sunset. Young Singaporeans with too much outdoor apparel and accessories take the remaining rooms.  Dreary lingering clouds and the day disappears.  What did I accomplish today?  Let’s see, in no particular order I put away clean dishes and pots, peeled potatoes, peeled garlic, carried water, watched Moda’s baby while she took Prisma to school, wiped tables, swept the dining room floor, took a nap, scrubbed my outspokenly dirty feet clean enough now to walk, held the hairdryer plug into the socket near the door while a woman dried her hair outside, ‘You’re welcome and I don’t do nails.’ and thought just too damned much.  And then sixteen meals prepared in a kitchen that is too small to make so many dishes.  It was enough to pay a visit to Shiva’s shop and sit and drink a can of beer.  What problems here, counsel?  The usual, water, people don’t want to pay.  Everyone has money, it’s time to cough up a 100rs a month for water to your home, yes, that’s right, to your home.  And those who can’t?  I get mixed ideas about the need to keep water free to the public.  No one wants to pay, I understand, many cannot pay, a smaller percent now than four years ago.  Almost everyone on this mountain I am told, has someone sending money home.  Remuneration.

3.14.13

Thank you for your information but

You are stupid

You can’t see

You can’t hear

You’re too old

You don’t understand, go to Pakistan

How was your morning?  It helps to understand the local vernacular otherwise one’s limited L2 lexus will sting and fling you into despair.  You’re trying your best but if it isn’t enough you’ll be subjected to misunderstandings.  Where to flee, says the economist, what escape have you?  To go and not return, your time is finished. 

I see more jobs and begin to apply, to leave next month is desired.  To leave now is a desire and if I did that I will know hunger like the dying in Calcutta.  Why not satiate the thirst of Christ by suffering for no reason other than you’re down, you’re used up, you don’t understand anymore.  You were called much worse, no? 

The Singaporean nine and their three guides linger.  I linger in room eight and commiserate.  Another bowel movement, shall I go into the jungle?  Last night the water ran out again.  Checking the rooms people turn all the knobs not knowing which ones work, half of them don’t, and they leave water running.  Toilets continue to run, wasted water, pretty damn questionable if it isn’t repaired.  

Being at someone’s mercy is never good when you are hungry.  The breakdown in what little shared language there is only exacerbates the emptiness.  Are we feeling the same about each other now?  Our debts are paid in full only now my lingering creates tension.  Sorry Prem Maya the language is difficult, I am ashamed to expect you to speak in my native tongue so I don’t expect and that is why there is nothing between us.  

And the second breakfast was small.  ‘you want dal go get dal…’ and so I did and after I finished Didi was served what wasn’t available to me.  Little smacks, little smacks, you play cold I’ll play cold.  So I will be hungrier.  I should be more assertive and simply heat the food, right?  It's strange sometimes to separate the restaurant kitchen from the home kitchen. 

Didi rambles on in the scrub below, if she’s waiting to get fed after me I think I should sneak out.  Why make her suffer, what has she done wrong other than look at me like someone who doesn’t have a home and that’s pretty stupid at this age, right?  Doesn’t the emptiness of Detroit sound a little better right now than the wind that blows gently through the Rhododendron Trees.

8:39pm

A huge storm rumbles in bringing gale force winds and pea-size hail and once it's gone there are the Annapurnas showing off, ya got stay longer to see it, the longer you stay here begin to always look for the spectacular sunset after the spectacular fury of mother pearl's nature

Tension continues let’s hope a night of sleep will defuse.  There are a lot of theories about public anger and one is it’s only the surface of a deeper issue.  So, in a culture where confrontation in my opinion ought to be managed as privately as possible though that really is asking too much from some, I mean really, when your call echos through the valley, who knows you better, in any case the second point is an attempt to share how the problem looks with others who may be able to explain the behavior is simply unacceptable and if there is a problem you need to talk it out to get feedback, because it’s getting uncomfortable.  This is in part, my fault.  I am the guest and I should speak the language, otherwise I'm always out of the loop, something I felt comfortable with for a long time.

Thank you for the soup.

And watching the crescent moon in the northern sky from the window outside the toilet poor Carl the Cock is not doing too well under his basket.  His breathing sounds like a scuba diver's bubbly breathing every five seconds.  There are no vets here though you'd think whiskey would work if you can get a chicken to gargle it.