Before 2009 I never gave much thought of the world ending. The blessed hope was part of my liturgical theology and nothing else. Life itself was enough and singing maranatha hymns were simple dreams and wishes when distress and pain came in waves.
And then the spirit world arrived with a boom. The spirits don't see the future that far in advance. I've gauged they know what's ahead of us by no more than a half second at best. The billions on earth who believe in some other worldly shift to come wait anxiously like those in the fourth dimension but they are limited. The spirits Coldplay inspired to produce "Viva la Vida" foresaw an end and for reasons I don't understand believed the consummation of time was now but they were anxious, they must have sensed things were so bad on earth it must have been it. But they don't know. The spirit who led me to believe something was going to happen at the end of 2012 also desired and hoped his new life would begin and he too was disappointed.
So now while I still believe I don't believe. My mind tires of asking God to bring the misery and suffering of this world to an end. It is tasking and to be honest, quite depressing, to spend so much energy praying for something that must be inevitable; perhaps when we say "thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven" this hope is an individual bus ticket to the afterlife and nothing else. We'll go to the big grassy park with lots of clouds and vertical lines when were dead and ready. Preparing for that journey until then, is life.
Today I was in the bakery, observing mostly, but I helped make cookies, formed rolls of dough for buns, greased loaf pans and washed the large flat trays. The quiet atmosphere has an almost sanctified presence to it. If my place in this community is meant to be I would like to be here more so than on the front lines at the house. I don't have the street smarts to give what so many need or want. I can distribute the goods and I am content knowing I do my best, I simply don't understand how God can let so many suffer their entire lives.
Lord, forgive me for doubting your work but I don't understand. I will stop asking for you to return and bring us home. Life goes on and we make the best of every moment hoping to ease the loss for the man with nothing, for the woman with nothing. It is not about me. It is about them.
And then the spirit world arrived with a boom. The spirits don't see the future that far in advance. I've gauged they know what's ahead of us by no more than a half second at best. The billions on earth who believe in some other worldly shift to come wait anxiously like those in the fourth dimension but they are limited. The spirits Coldplay inspired to produce "Viva la Vida" foresaw an end and for reasons I don't understand believed the consummation of time was now but they were anxious, they must have sensed things were so bad on earth it must have been it. But they don't know. The spirit who led me to believe something was going to happen at the end of 2012 also desired and hoped his new life would begin and he too was disappointed.
So now while I still believe I don't believe. My mind tires of asking God to bring the misery and suffering of this world to an end. It is tasking and to be honest, quite depressing, to spend so much energy praying for something that must be inevitable; perhaps when we say "thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven" this hope is an individual bus ticket to the afterlife and nothing else. We'll go to the big grassy park with lots of clouds and vertical lines when were dead and ready. Preparing for that journey until then, is life.
Today I was in the bakery, observing mostly, but I helped make cookies, formed rolls of dough for buns, greased loaf pans and washed the large flat trays. The quiet atmosphere has an almost sanctified presence to it. If my place in this community is meant to be I would like to be here more so than on the front lines at the house. I don't have the street smarts to give what so many need or want. I can distribute the goods and I am content knowing I do my best, I simply don't understand how God can let so many suffer their entire lives.
Lord, forgive me for doubting your work but I don't understand. I will stop asking for you to return and bring us home. Life goes on and we make the best of every moment hoping to ease the loss for the man with nothing, for the woman with nothing. It is not about me. It is about them.
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