I desire to do not to have

Monday--I can hardly stay awake at the desk, a stack of student essays blur, my indecipherable notes are worse than usual.  Let’s go outside for a second, another cool midday. Teachers commiserate around the yellow butt tray, there’s no organization here, it’s all form no substance, and yet the children are happy.  Let’s listen to some music, wake up Dude, DC Talk still plays well.  The airline’s website is obnoxiously slow and I need to buy this ticket. There is only one flight each day and I cannot stay here, even if the break is only a measly week. 

Tuesday--Rain, glorious rain falls and I lose the students.  Let’s have class outside teacher.  Ok, I need an abaya, an umbrella, a plastic sheet, let’s go. The wonder precipitation brings never ends.  This is only the third time its happened since I returned.  I like it.  I’d like it better if there were a lot of things at my disposal to complement it. 

The ticket was purchased, a few bucks more than the airline’s website stated.  The tourist agent takes a commission.  A fella at St. Joes said he was pleased when someone took advantage of his generosity.  I guess that’s different from being fleeced for being white.  And American.  

And getting out of the taxi this morning I strained my lower back.  I have three painkillers left.  Is it bad enough to take one?  I’d like to keep them for the seven hour bus rides to and from Pokhara. 

Thursday—Next week is the last week of the semester and the students have told all the teachers they’re not coming.  But teachers will be expected to come in, and why not.  What are you, teachers, gonna do in a town where there is nothing to do?  I’ll come in and pray to God the internet works, otherwise I’ll leave too and wander around in car parks measuring skid marks and donuts.  New teachers are not happy one darn bit that they have to come in when there will be no students.  You really got a better life?  Really?  Is going shopping for tomatoes and cucumbers one of your favorite activities here?  I like being overcharged by a taxi driver to go to LuLus where the KFC is the only place in town that sells a fillet chicken sandwich with plenty of gristle. 

But I’m not complaining though I wonder how I cannot look elsewhere.  Really.

And so another weekend begins.  Last weekend I made it to Dubai and picked up a couple of newspapers, the year end issue of The Economist and two books so I am good until I can peruse the second hand shops in Thamel.  And I’ll wash clothes, and sweep.  This sure sounds exciting, doesn’t it.  This morning I came to school with Mark, a nice bloke from Belfast, like the real Belfast.  He shuffles papers in administration and occasionally sends everyone pdfs announcing Abdullah someone is now working in another office.  I told him how disappointed I was that it was expensive and absurd to cross the border here yet I know I’m saving money.  Saving money isn’t as important as doing things you can do, like having a cup of coffee.  You feel better about yourself.  The desire to do nothing isn’t the same as the desire to have nothing.  I can have nothing but I like to do things.  It isn’t a desire, it’s a need to deal with boredom. 

You’re bored here?  I’ve been ok for three and half months and I got new stuff to read, but I can’t continue to live like this.  We gotta change. Bring it on.