Monday, March 10, 2014

a younger ilk

How does one resolve the life long struggle with restlessness?  Incarceration, a mortgage, a serious injury, bad timing, a marriage, just to name a few.  Would restlessness really end with any of these scenarios?  I've always thought getting tied down to something or with someone would be suffice but my own experience questions those 'institutions' and still I drift.


This weekend is the annual teachers conference and it will be the first time in 15 years I've gone to throw in the long and gangly cv.  I'm waffling back and forth here, I should put up with this place at for at least another miserable year and save because one day I'll be passed up for a younger ilk with no experience, what will I do, bail out, go to Colorado?  Get retrained as a botanist?   Become dependent on someone, on the state? God forbid.  I just need to sit and slow down with enough income which means I have to continue working.   


Have no pity, look at the poor Ukrainians.  A professor from Princeton on Fareed's show yesterday said their own 'elite' are the cause for raping their country and leaving them open for waste.  Completely.  I don't need sympathy, look at them for crying out loud. 


I feel bad for many around here who are shackled to the extremities of ineptitude.  A teacher with heart troubles is placed on the third floor but she can't climb the stairs and no one in the administration seems to give a rat's ass about moving her class to one on the ground floor.  Their shameless laziness is close to criminal.  I advised the woman to cancel her afternoon classes after she complained of shortness of breath and throbbing in her arm and go to a clinic. 


Shameful.  Teachers want to go to this conference and they are being told no.  This place shivers from insecurities and a lack of identity.  Foreigners who live here can apply for a road pass upon arrival with their employer's approval and the 'leaders'  make everyone wait six months before signing the necessary papers.  If crossing the border makes them fear we won't come back why not improve what you got so we won't cross?  I have no plans to cross and not return but really, I have a right to exercise my freedom.  And be happy. 


The new four day schedule is brutal for teachers and students.  It's only week two but the students are burning out.  "Time finish teacher. time time"  We just started ten minutes ago for crying out loud.  And while I look for a Thursday as a day to work alone in the office doing what I cannot possibly do now during the week, a few other teachers are taking that day as an un-official official work day off.  Shame on them.  Just come to work and find something to do.  Their shameless behavior is going to affect everyone and it will simply confirm what I must do.  Leave again?  Double sigh.
Consider for one second...you left Gazientep and Salalah because you wanted to be in Sarangkot.  Now after spending ten months straight I don't have that great desire like before.  The place is well established, there are no women there for me, and I don't know.  Have I outgrown the place?  I'd like to think no.  Every day in the office I look at Lamjung Himal, the dude rocks and inspires.  Machhapuchre commands memory and we are subdued.  






 

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