interpret this

9.15.14

I told a colleague of my feigned interest with a university in Kabul and he thought that was a perilous idea.  Why, it’s dangerous in Missouri, I’d more likely die in a Los Angeles heatwave than in a compound in Afghanistan. 

No clouds from the east today, it is clear and the evenings stifle.  Yesterday the university/company gave placement tests for new students and today I graded two sets.  Five out of forty will begin in the highest level of the foundation program, the rest will start from the beginning.  How difficult is it to learn a second language at 18?  According to a few English is the most accessible language in the world. 

I looked at MFA’s in writing this afternoon and it is enticing to return to school but how much more difficult is it when you’re one of those ‘non-traditionals’?  It would be a return to borrowing money, a part-time job with a stack of books to read and papers to write and living in a tiny room albeit in a city with culture that would mostly be out of reach on a fixed income. But such voluntary hardships are the risks one must accept.  I must be persuaded.

How about one of these low-residency programs, the kind that would let me pursue my ‘dreams’ while I am right here?  You want something to really keep you busy in your furnished grotto?  I’ll keep looking.

This might be strange reading this but I am grateful for living alone.  I know the few relationships I’ve had in 51 years weren’t supposed to happen, I mean if they did work I wouldn’t be where I am now, right, but I value the enormity of time to contemplate, though somewhere in the shadows there is always this speck of hope someone will enter my life, someone who’d inspire, who’d be a muse to jumpstart those reveries with reckless ambition and bring the kind of passion that changes everything. 

In the meantime I have to be thankful, to God, to Om, what else can I do,  silence beats me down and I have to look up, what other choice do I have but to trust who I am and where I am is supposed to be? 

So, if you mean it are you expecting something good now to happen to you, a break, an insight, desire, the kind of desire even an Indian prince would approve?  I am not trying to manipulate an ancient archetype or squeeze a cosmic inaugural call out of the darkness for some grace and karma.  I cannot and will not ask for anything. 

9.16.14

“risk is justified in perilous moments…”  The empty space in my mouth throbs and brings with it a piercing pain to my left temple.  I can’t believe I agreed to let a dentist clean up my dental horrors for the next four weeks.  I will go this Saturday to have the sutures removed and let him perform one more ‘job’ and then that’ll be it until after the holidays.  When I return we’ll do this every two weeks.  What is the point of keeping pain present all the time?  It is a prescription for overdosing on lame ass over the counter medications.

I also learned today the government keeps the strong pain-relievers in their government hospitals.  It makes sense.  They don’t trust pharmacies and doctors with the stuff. So why don’t we all go to government hospitals instead of private clinics?  I don’t know.  I haven’t visited a government hospital, I don’t know if people are afraid of MERS, which is still occurring I read, in hospitals, spread by staff who aren’t washing their hands after contact with patients. 

9.17.14

A mesmerizing peach sun hung above the horizon before it slid into an oblivious west and I was headed for the pharmacy for something, anything, stronger than ibuprofen.  The work week has almost finished, Thursday is a dud day, dudder than others, the halls echo, a few teachers meander in and out, the canteen staff sit on their hands.  The teachers who taught summer classes begin their three week hiatus and the new teachers, boldly or ignorantly will come before the Eid holiday starts.

So, any final thoughts, anything inspire you this week, any insights, epiphanies, right, anything worth sharing in these waning moments? 

The clergy of the American south believed slavery was supported by the Bible because of its inerrancy.  The opposition couldn’t refute the hundreds of references cited but they objected on the grounds that it was the spirit of Christianity which found slavery wrong. 

The abolitionists did not believe in literal interpretation because the spirit changes people’s interpretation so why would anyone think that spirit has stopped changing how people interpret the divine word?