93 glaze

By noon on a Thursday the students are pleading, begging, barking to be let go and how can I hold them, they’re so innocent, so docile, like rabbits who lap from the banks of the river Styx, I give in, I could keep them another fifty minutes, ‘this line graph exercise which explains the dietary supplements to children is to be turned in by the end of class’, or I could practice contrastive stress exercises for their impending speech quiz next week, but ya know what I wanna go home too.  I have an interview to prepare for and right before I left the confines that have held me captive by choice I sent my letter of resignation.  I was polite, I was professional, I am glad.

I am also nauseous, a cigarette, only the second one today, left me feeling quite blah, ok, I have no problems giving this up, and my interview went as well as could be expected.  The transliteration of Kandahar is Alexander, a city founded by the Great one.  Imagine that.  Well, he wants someone in June and I can’t, the honorable thing to do is finish the contract and that is July, so, we’ll keep in touch. 

So big plans for the weekend?  Ha, no.  My border pass expires in 16 days, I need to stock up on all the dry goods not available here.  Cereal, a variety of potato chips, diet cherry seven up, cans of split pea soup.  93 days to go.

I’d be pleased as punch if the peace corps thing worked.  Another teacher said they look at and like volunteers around my age, imagine that, and two years with them I think would be a bonus, a positive step in my flightly career.  In my interview the man in Kandahar did ask about my hopping around.  Ya, I am happy to have stayed here for two years but mother of pearl, sleeping on the street became attractive, I had to resign at the risk of planting another bloody red flag on a restless history.  

My eyes glaze over the globe.  Where am I supposed to be.  Central Asia always intrigues but it’s cold up there.  We’re talking illnesses again.  You want to avoid cold places, that’s half the world and you don’t ever see yourself in a city like Bangkok because it’s hot, crowded, humid, hot.  Yuck.  It doesn’t leave too much except for the desert peninsula and I don’t feel good about my chances for returning to Salalah. What if I just went to Haida Gwai, remained there and when my money ran out...I don't know, I'd live in a tent and eat lichen.

So, go back to Amereeeka.  My home, my land, from coast to coast I’ll find the non native speakers and I’ll give them what they want.  But I too, am a foreigner of my own prairies and oceans.  The language of pop culture accelerated past me a long time ago, I’ve been listening to the same 490 songs on my ipod for six years.

A headache approaches.  I need to be quiet, it will all work out in the end.  Job or no job, home or no home, on the street, in the flat, walking in the dust, driving in the snow, my spirit goes quiet, why can’t I.

It is absurd isn’t it, at my age, rummaging, rampaging, here and there with no roots, the winds blow me to the end of another job, oh well, I don’t care, at least I don’t right now.  How will you feel…ok, I need to get quiet….think nothing, turn off csn’s helpless, as if that is supposed to be saying something now…shhh, it’s warm, I have only the fan on, I need the a/c for the bedroom now, temps don’t go below 70 anymore…the headache persists…poor FDR, his last words, what a headache, at the age of 62, no president with good health care dies that young anymore…shhh, shanti shanti….i have nothing to do tomorrow, there is enough food here, sleep, read, I started Bernard Lewis’ ‘The Assassins’.  ISIS is mentioned in this book though it's called Da'ish, written in 1967, and more startling…I know I am not quiet, but before I forget, he writes about how gulf arab muslims lord over all other people who converted to Islam their unique, original claim to the faith .  Why convert if you know you’ll always be a ‘second class’ citizen, I do not understand and a colleague who returned from KSA was quite discouraged that he was treated so poorly because of his nationality.  I don’t know but I have to shut my mind down right now.  Goodnite and goodluck