1.12.13
You tell many heaven is coming the day after tomorrow and it
doesn’t come you feel pretty stupid, regardless if they believed in you or
not. I am humbled. Picking up and starting life all over again
and erasing the last four years is not very easy. I can remain here for another four months and
nineteen days to clean the head, prepare for the next leap. Graduate school again? Lordy lou, SIU, I could do the MFA in
creative writing, feedback is what I need and another degree will take you
where? I actually looked at a few
pee-h-d programs and I’ll keep looking.
It’s nice to hear a friend is ok in Singapore. It’s nice to know a friend remembers in
Turkey. Maya’s father’s sister came
yesterday. From the rich lush valleys
below she brings fruits and very nice cabbage for only 20rs.
I have to listen more to the silence. There’s too much interference in my head,
where did all these Bread songs come from, this cabbage btw is very nice in the
hookah and is actually helping me find the silence and repel the Bread
songs. Then the children come and it’s
time to eat. Breakfast in January when
there are no tourists is strictly a local fare: rice, curry, potatoes, yams,
dried spinach, sometimes this millet bread dough you dip in chutney and swallow
without biting. Laxman ate a kilo of
this brownish black meal yesterday, dipping it also in a curry. I don’t miss eggs and toast, really.
I never stopped talking to God and as far as the
unpardonable sin goes I’m sure millions do it but if I did I did in the name of
Job. I never stop talking and praying to
God, it’s instinctual. I think I’d
really have to suffer the worst form of suffering to consider atheism. Nevertheless I am accountable for everything
I have written, so I’d like to hold God accountable for everything God has
written. It is a love and sometimes hate
relationship, I know, what to do.
What to do. Where am
I flying to? America, Singapore, Sarangkot
and back. Flying it’s a lot cheaper
when you’re in tune on the mountain channeling network. Creative thinking or reality we’ll never know
until we put it in a laboratory and hook me up with someone else on the other
side of the planet and imagine how this person would, at any given moment, describe your adventures
to a third party. You can practically hear
it and you may be right or wrong I don’t know but when you fly alone it’s all
you got.
I have tried unsuccessfully to get information about the mfa
at siu because the connection was too slow which has to be on their end because
I can see video and listen to full albums now.
I don’t know. Mock. No one likes to be mocked but in love and in
discipline it is effective as a tool in keeping order so when one is mocked in an unkind manner with an
obviously unkind tone it isn’t nice. Of
course throwing a barrage of pencils at the perpetrator who assumed wouldn’t be
understood was a bit dramatic and over reactive. So, a mug of milk tea and a handful of corn
gently eaten that’s been it aside from a ten thirty breakfast. I should go up because my stomach rumbles.
I am still surprised there is no word in Nepalese for ‘please’,
the magic word that the children don’t use when they’re eating the sweets
faster than I’m comfortable giving out.
Beggars know the word, it is implied with minimal dialogue. Give me chocolate asked politely without the
use of the p word is possible but it wasn’t today. Going dry of everything, go ahead let me dry
out, lose the weight, the powdered datura two hours later has had minimal
effect on anything. Is suffering from
hunger worse as you inch closer to death or does it get easier because you’re
so weak and so tired you can’t even move?
Eating is taken for granted sometimes, why shall we not all eat less and
do less.
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