My stomach is growling big time. Well, there is sliced bread and I got peanut butter
and jam. Do it man, it’s only 8:30pm and
you’re getting up at six. Maybe a
handful of pistachios will suffice. And
my last bottle of Barbican.
And my lunch was nice, a yogurt salad, a bowl of
steamed bread, a half steamed potato and a few pieces of fatty meat and the
regular bread. But it didn’t stick
around and I’m feeling perhaps ill because the temps are cooling off and the
body is adjusting, right?
And having finished lunch I got up and
made sure the person who prepared it got something from me though there were
mild absurd protests, I don’t know who is buying this food but I didn’t and I
have the obvious moral obligation to compensate. Yesterday's meal agreement only covers
breakfast. Meanwhile the nuts are doing
the trick, they are either really addictive or I’m hungrier than I
thought.
It’s nine pm and I’m feeling done. I haven’t had a full eight uninterrupted hours
of sleep since the new bed arrived. I’m
either going to the loo or hearing a noise outside, or I roll on these stitches, I will close the
windows if it’s too cold in here.
Ok, one more handful. It’s quite disappointing that ideas are
always good but in time the enthusiasm fades and the idea is what, nothing
other than a dream and day dreaming we know isn’t the same as pursuing a
dream. New Zealand is a product of day
dreaming and pursuing my dream to go there comes from another dimension,
unfortunately. I don’t feel the same
about Leuven, Leuven just scares me, am I cut out for a year, perhaps two, to do what I want to do, or God help me, need to do? John, it isn’t about the
money here, it’s about solid academics, research, ya da, oh to have a personal
coach, right there yelling in my ear to get organized, get dressed, get fed,
get drunk, get sentimental, get your bleeping act together, get to it, get off
your big arse and do something, ya, is
that too much to ask for.
And it’s been two weeks or so since I returned from
Nepal, three weeks since I finished the novena and was I prepared, is that why
I read it, to be prepared, to seek wisdom and act slowly, ya, I guess I
did. The only time I felt angst I took
the Tibetan gong and gonged the hell out of it for ten or fifteen minutes in
front of Tikaram’s evil obstruction.
Otherwise I guess, the novena kept me from falling off any cliffs.
10.20.15
I had to step outside at six thirty to
feel the cold and ya, it was cold but still not cold enough to see
breathing. Cold enough in the blue room
to put on socks. Cold enough to wear a
long sleeve t-shirt under the traditional shirt. Cold enough to chill the hand that has been
out in it for a few hours. One student
this morning said he has been up before dawn walking and a thirty minute drive
on the bike to class can chill grizzled hands.
Saffi is in the kitchen talking with Rezak about the
arrangement we made two days ago. It was
agreed but the deal still has to be ironed out, what are the expectations, is
lunch included, word apparently circled that I left something for lunch
yesterday. It’s almost ten, the talks
continue, a pan is clanked, tea is made.
Of course I speculate. And then I
hear my name. Ok, I will come out.
11:30am—I waited almost ten weeks to enjoy a pace through the PDI
gardens. Sixties, maybe lows in the 70's
by afternoon, a forgiving and therapeutic sun, respite in a restorative shade.,
a brilliant blue sky and a variety of small yellow and orange flowers whose
names I always forget in various stages of life and death.
I’m waitin to get the call so we can see a doctor and
have these stitches removed. Nothing was
said at breakfast this morning, I didn’t ask or remind him because he
knows. And I will wait until five pm
before I get noisy. For now, chill. No class tonight.
In the center of the gazebo grows a large
bourgainvella (sp) and the grass around the inner seating area needs a serious
cut. Some nice flowers would go well
here, planted under the seating.
marigolds would work. I don’t
think they know how to deal with someone who spends money on things he won’t
see a return on, it is a benefit to me to see something growing where there
wasn’t something growing and no one else was going to do it, but I did and…
I think it’s time to do some work. I have the KU Leuven brochures I picked up is
looking at me, including the Saint Damien Community bunch, a place to live,
perhaps.
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