four months but who's counting?

8.21

Four months today.  I don’t consider the time remaining as a benchmark of any kind.  The date is from one source.  If it were from many sources then of course I’d be all behind the possibility that Earth will experience  an end- begin life-changing something in four months.

Bright heavy fog greets the morning and the rain holds off.  Tabasco with eggs is never as hot as Tabasco on samosas.  I can’t explain the difference.  Green tea and toast and I return to room six.  The Mother Teresa incense is nice, a candle, birds and farmers in the distance on low volume. 

How often do you hope you are wrong?  It doesn’t matter what people think of you and what you write.  Such precognitive wet dreams cannot be accepted on any terms.  And I’m sure it has bothered a few and is that ok?  Well, to bother a few, to wake ‘em up, make ‘em think.  That is the intention. 

But I’m telling you this Job and Jesus and God and St. Francis, I don’t know how I will think of ya’ll again if absolutely bleeping nothing happens.  All those coincidences, what the Bela Fleck were they for?  And raising my consciousness to the spirit world I will have to conclude all illusions, including a spirit world, all contact with souls were delusions of such grandeur produced in my head.  Such deceit is so sorrowful to imagine.  And to think I brought it on by pursuing divinically unexplained phenomena and elbowing into a presumptuous afterlife as a result of entheogens. Shame on me.

So, four months to go.  Life for three weeks on the mountain has been positive.  Last year’s stay was sometimes a challenge, running out of money, being quite indecisive which brought on feelings of depression and apathy.  I wish money didn’t leave me feeling more secure than faith swirling through my hair.  What to do. 

An afternoon shower and a reason to watch ‘Enemy of the State’ and remember Tony Scott.  In three years on the road I have been carrying ten movies, and the HBO John Adam series, on an external hard-drive and I wondered when I copied them on if these would later be considered my top ten favorite movies, outlasting Woody Allen or Master and Commander.  I don’t know which is 1 and which is 10.  Scott’s movie is in the list I guess because of Gene Hackman and a great story. 

A do nothing much day, taking a nap, not going up to eat at the times they eat because I’m not hungry.  A big lunch of dal bhat and spinach curry and a glass of lassi.  The rain has stopped and large mosquitos are attacking…

Anticipation.  How often does that noun help you avoid or meet prepared head on impending crises?  So what’s wrong in believing me even if you know I could never be right and in fact I turn out to be wrong?  The least is you’ll have spent more time on your knees for the rest of the year. Consider it friendly end of the year advice, very free.

I mean really, you’re going to be angry with me because you prayed harder than ever your whole life and look, nothing.  It would be a shame to have prayed for four months and not cleared the attic my friend....