chain me up

Last night’s poor sleep and a six am walk required two naps today.  In the meantime George Winston ought to help me chill. 

The Catholic Worker says if someone takes advantage of my generosity that is a good day.  A CW will also tell me when you donate to charity it shouldn’t matter one bit how the money is used.  If it is stolen and abused that is disappointing but your intent is what is most important and you’ll be blessed. 

What keeps me awake at night are these role plays which occur between individuals and myself regarding a decision I have to make and the role plays are never good.  And last night’s exhausting four hour role play was no exception.  It also didn’t help to have insects crawling all over me.

Next week’s trip to the mountains feels as if a plateau will shift with regards to how I allocate my resources.  One unfortunately unreliable thing about me is my erratic job history.  I can only allocate when there is something to allocate so long term plans and objectives can’t count on me to be there all the time.  It is unfortunate. 

It’s why I have never bought a house.  Sure I could have and then had someone live in it, and I’d become a landlord.  I wouldn’t live in it?  I don’t know but that just sounds like an impossible thing to do.  A place to call my own and to put stuff up on walls again and carpets on the floor and fill book shelves, water plants, a forest in the backyard.  A chair to sit outside and oo with the loons.    

After class I spoke with the student who I lent my Steinbeck too, I should have asked him about it, but he was more interested in telling me about why he hasn’t been coming to class and it’s work related.  The toefl for him will be one of the requirements he’ll need if he is offered a scholarship to a college in the Silicon Valley this January.   

I told him he was going to pay 10,000rs for a cup of coffee in San Francisco, the most lovely city in America. 

What kind of allocations would it take to put me in San Francisco, I’d like to know.  Should I mention this in my novena, ha, you schmuck  no you shouldn’t but now it’s gonna come up in your prayers and there’ll be distractions and rebuke. 

Why does it hurt to dream?  It should never hurt, it can never be wrong to want beauty in your life.  It can’t be considered selfish to want nature, to want good things in your life once in a freaky while. 

In the toefl class I was talking about cohesion and cohesion techniques and first I drew the wheel with spokes and said they’re all connected to the main idea and then there was a wheel with broken spokes and I didn’t get to that but then I went to the Matrix and half the class quickly raised their hands when I mentioned it and described the mechanical tentacles going everywhere and that but they have a home and come back to it because of cohesion.   Ya, lame.   I’m not sure if they got it and I guess it’s a good thing sometimes when they can’t figure you out.  In any case I didn’t ask but I’ll look at their sentences sometime in the next two days. 

In other conversations today a student hopes to work in China and and another would like to study in the UK.  I find them somewhat inspiring but when someone says he is going to San Francisco there’s just something wrong there.  I should be the one going.

I know, a Catholic Worker wouldn’t say such things, no they’d say I’m gonna chain myself to the front gate of a military facility in Syracuse, wanna come along?