10:23am
Before the shuttle van could reach the main road we
turned around: “lockdown, a missile was fired at the new parliament building…”
and then I got the ubiquitous sms confirming the campus would be closed until
further notice. A typical day I asked
my colleague and boss, right get used to it.
Well, I don’t think I’ll get used to any of this.
And here I sit at the long wooden table that sits in
the hall which connects the four rooms.
Cecil, the professor from Hong Kong slipped out, a ride was waiting for
him. The television is on with no one
watching, a curious habit I assume from not remembering how to turn it on every
morning and ya know what I’m not gonna turn it off but I will lower the volume.
A mass murder in Pakistan on Easter apparently aimed at
Christians in Lahore, the media is giving it a lot of coverage as they should
but the feeling is one of resignation and gee another senseless act of violence in the name of God in a
country whose middle name has been violence since 1947.
Snow covered mountains are very close but they are
shrouded by a gray dull smog, what a shame.
Can I say anything good about a country that hasn’t been at peace with
itself since the 1970’s, the people on this campus are friendly so far. I hate to read how beautiful this city was
less than a century ago because outside my bedroom window is a pile of bricks and a room that stores coal. We're using coal to keep the heat on.
And listening to ‘Kundun’ is supposed to brighten your
day?
A lot of good common sense advice here and what can I
do to blow up the blues. Writing it
all down it says helps, look I’m doing that now, how do you feel? No different.
Do something new? Exercise? Exercise would definitely help but I already
took a shower, talk to someone, I see no one here, no one is here except for
the guards outside the guesthouse wall armed to the teeth, fingers a centimeter
away from the trigger.
Eat well, this morning I had a glass of juice with a lot
of sugar in it, a bowl of cheerios and an instant cup of coffee, nothing too
healthy there, eh? Wait, I had a skinny
banana as well.
Learn to relax. I know how to do that if I am not bummed, what an oxymoron, next. Learn something new, find some nature, I’m starting a new job essentially that should count, and nature? Looking out the front window and across the street are four large pine trees, the kind that have survived fifty years of war. I find solace looking at them albeit it’s such a limited solace and one wonders when they’ll be cut down for yet another boring building.
Learn to relax. I know how to do that if I am not bummed, what an oxymoron, next. Learn something new, find some nature, I’m starting a new job essentially that should count, and nature? Looking out the front window and across the street are four large pine trees, the kind that have survived fifty years of war. I find solace looking at them albeit it’s such a limited solace and one wonders when they’ll be cut down for yet another boring building.
Talk to someone you trust, sure, next, join a
support group, sure, for surely I can’t be the only bummed
person around here. No, you selfish
twit, millions in this city are so worse off, I’m embarrassed to listen to you
anymore.
Ok, that’s enough, I think I’ll lie down but not for
long I’m getting hungry again and I look forward to…sms, lockdown has been
lifted. Let’s go.
8:03pm
If I were the skin on my thumbs I’d protest loudly, why
am I ripping them apart? Do you know how
painful it is to cut onions and tomatoes with raw thumbs?
Here’s a question:
take these ingredients: pasta of
any kind, black pepper, salt, rosemary, tomatoes, onions, garlic, cucumber and
olive oil. How many ways can you cook a
meal with just these items? Feel free to
suggest, I’m boring the crap out me.
I’m trying to relax so I listen to flute music and it
isn’t working too well. I see the time,
I’d like to go to bed but I don’t want to wake up at four in the bloody
morning. I’ve never been as exhausted as
I was sitting in the office today trying to stay busy with work that wasn’t
keeping me too busy. I shivered inside
and outside, walked around and I just didn’t wear enough clothes. It was 61 today warmer than six days in
Georgia, warmer than the last two months in Kandahar. Perhaps I’m fighting a bug, a couple of
pandadol when I got back to the empty building at 4:30 and a few more in 27
minutes and all I want to do is sleep and wake up four months from now. Lord take me in.
I saw a job in Pittsburgh and the deadline to submit is
tomorrow. Shith. You know how long it is to write a
personalized cover letter when your thumbs are taped up? Some things weren’t meant to be and in my
life that’s a lot of shith.
Why don’t you email the US Embassy in town and ask them
about the damn fingerprints. If they
tell me I can do it the dream lives on, barely.
If they say sorry kid then I will have to email KU and give ‘em the
bummer news. And who knows maybe I can’t
produce thumbprints because I’ve ripped off all the skin.
Shanti go to sleep my friend and take a rosary with
you, a few icons and Buddha sit on your bedside table and pray like Moses
almighty that when you wake up you will be in the loving arms of someone with healthy thumbs.
No comments:
Post a Comment