Thursday, March 3, 2016

my naked intent



Let not, therefore, but travail therein till thou feel list. For at the first time when thou dost it, thou findest but a darkness; and as it were a cloud of unknowing, thou knowest not what, saving that thou feelest in thy will a naked intent unto God.

This darkness and this cloud is, howsoever thou dost, betwixt thee and thy God, and letteth thee that thou mayest neither see Him clearly by light of understanding in thy reason, nor feel Him in sweetness of love in thine affection. And therefore shape thee to bide in this darkness as long as thou mayest, evermore crying after Him that thou lovest. For if ever thou shalt feel Him or see Him, as it may be here, it behoveth always to be in this cloud in this darkness. And if thou wilt busily travail as I bid thee, I trust in His mercy that thou shalt come thereto.

Well I’m gonna chew on this one for a while I see.  What is he saying?  Be in the clouds unknowing because only there will my naked intent be for God. 


That’s right, in front of the creator you is naked youse got nothing to hide and even if you do try to hide you'll know soon enough the game is over.

Did I interpret the anonymous mystic incorrectly?  Is he or she referring to the old testament temple cloud, the shekinah glory kind of cloud that moses found himself in, I think so, it’s symbolic, it means much and on this Thursday overcast and drizzly morning in the clean desert clouds are everything, clouds unknowing is fog in the 21st century.  Neither see him clearly by light of understanding in thy reason.  Ah the crisis for the high-octave cognant, how can I believe if I cannot reason, only accept, blindly in a cloud of darkness though it behoveth always to be in this cloud in this darkness, now the word behoveth is close to our behooves, it behooves me I’m so upset with this vacuum cleaner, Marge?  Ya, I don’t know what he means now.  If you’re in the presence of shekinah glory why would it behoove anyone to be in it, or is darkness in this context, suffering?  To be present with the Lord, you are physically absent in body.


No no we can be present with the Lord while our spirit is in the body, in your daily darkness of suffering, the prerequisite for mystics I believe, you are with God though you never know it if you’re a migrant mother of starving freezing babies and I guess a migrant mother can’t be a mystic though I’d argue for the length of time that woman has been suffering she’s been a mystic and she’s been in a dark cloud unknowing you’re damn right she is, when you suffer through no fault of your own you are in God’s almighty dark cloud unknowing, unknowing if God is listening it seems unfortunately. 


Cloudy it is at noon and two white helicopters are going back and forth above us.  I was all ready to go out this morning and get a haircut, go to the bank, airanna airlines, and yet I sit here.  Two weeks from today may I remind you, is the beginning of a short and necessary holiday. Ha ha.  Such patience you must practice.  I tell ya what I don’t like is having to be dependent on anyone to do all these things. 


Rezek washed out the fridge when I gave him a bottle of spray cleaner I purchased last night and now it sits open and ready to use.  I bought milk and cereal and I will need to drink the Iranian 3% Fat milk fast if I don’t have electricity.

8.48pm


The man is too ugly to not be offensive and now watch for copycats.  Instant global recognition.  What has the American Coliseum of the new absurd brought us when the House of Cards is the Republican party.  The media.  Politics.  Reality television, we’re all a part of the ugliest show on earth.  Well there is a way to tune it out and away, just unplug.


I just turned down a party offered by one of the wealthiest men in Kandahar.  What the hell, why didn’t you say yes, it’s a good question what is it about that upper echelon that makes me hesitate?  I have no clothes on I’m going to bed in five minutes don’t send your driver, such lies am I becoming a frank underwood lord help us. 


It would have been fun.  A bunch of men drinking johhny walker and smoking pretty good hashish.  let your hair down and try to behave as if you’re not mashed.  That doesn’t sound like fun.


Instead I listen to silence, actually it’s not too silent with the fridge on and off and big blue hums in the distance.  I ate a bowl of honey bunch and oats with them strawberries that kind of went mush real quick in the Iranian milk which was good and cold, look at that clean electrical fridge chilling a box of milk and a box of orange juice from Spain I better check the expiration date on that which reminds me the sour cream and chive rice crackers were stale, what a shame and waste, but my sugar free fudge wafers are still fresh. 


Do you remember the last time you raised your voice?  Yes, at a man on the phone three months ago.  That’s pretty good, it is.  I am glad the student body has been so good to work with.  I don’t like shouting. 


calm down with this, uh oh, they’re marching…


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