divine as hell

A woman in class says she used to sing when she was little and she was good she said, she had won a few competitions but then the village found out what she was doing and told her to stop and when she didn’t they threatened her and her family and she stopped.  An angel, a child, is forced to stop because of her religion, Islam. 

Today she gets angry and says she hasn’t sung since that moment.  I tell her it’s ok now, it’s ok to sing again and she gets furious.  I am done, I am finished, I will never sing again, and I am dumbfounded.  Class has finished and on her way out I say when she gets married she will have to sing to her baby and she says the baby will go into daycare.  How sad, profoundly sad. 

There is a great fear, a memory which has robbed her of a gift, silence in the name of an interpretation of the Koran.

Sure I could find a lot of Muslims who’d disagree with this village’s management of its own but that is just the point.  Open interpretations that silence angels.  Shame fucking shame.

I know there are worse incidents in the name of religion occurring every second, ya know God, you gave revelations to humanity and you knew this was going to happen.  People, your creation made in your alleged image and you let people use your divine as hell revelations and it is turned against people.

Is it any surprise most Jews are skeptics?  I should have been a Jew.   If I were allowed to do a survey in this country I swear you’d be surprised though I wouldn’t be.  That survey would clearly show most don’t follow the faith very closely, what you see are shells of humanity, puppets going about their daily life in silence because their lives have been subject to the kind ugly misogynist rhetoric that has destroyed the spirit through war and stupid laws for ever and ever in this place.  Archaic ancient edicts have no place in a civilized society.  Why the hell do so many want to get out?  Why the hell do so many want to go to the US?  Jesus Joseph and Mary, we all know already, let’s not beat this dead horse anymore.

I saw the HR director in the cafeteria and he asked if I was staying for another year.  I’m glad it came up but I hate telling them so in public.  I feel like I am letting them down by bailing out after only a year.  It was, is, a good salary, and the work load isn’t too difficult, I told him I had too much time to think in Kandahar and I was going back to school.  He understood but I still felt bad and I still do.  If only I could be responsible to someone or even myself, wait a second, you’re not responsible to yourself?  That’s not true.  I am responsible to take care of myself, perhaps not responsible enough to save money for the day I cannot work and I won’t have a pot to piss in.

I think it’s time to go to bed.  Two Nyquil horse pills, a sore throat, runny nose, there was great fatigue today even though I had a good night’s sleep last night.  What gives?  Oh, right, a simple case of mild depression. 

Enough.