that would be merciful

1:17pm

The internet is down in the office, I can’t print out the curriculum for this business class and I have to be ahead of these folks more than ten seconds so I need to be working on it.  I am also drowsy and a full stomach of excellent Afghan pilaf makes me want to sleep but four teachers in the room are keeping me from putting my head down on the desk.

At lunch I asked Qais, the second in charge of security if there was anyone who could act as my guide because I’m already suffering from cabin fever in addition to everything else that plagues me.  How in the world can I change my attitude if I am put on such a short leash I don’t know and he didn’t know.  There’s an assumption it is dangerous to go out and I figured it’s dangerous only if they know who you are and where you come from. 

I think I’ll go to the bathroom again.

10:46pm

Ok, Mary, on this Divine Mercy day I got home, ate a chicken salad sandwich with chips and a diet coke, made a cup of milk tea and finished off a piece of dry chocolate cake and then listened to mostly positive music beginning with a Lady Gaga tribute to the Sound of Music and her spot on rendition of the star spangled banner and then a string of Coldplay songs guaranteed to make you wish paradise was here now, isn’t that what Divine Mercy ought to be doing, delivering us from this unmerciful life?  Deliver us o Lord from this planet.  That would be merciful.

An hour before class I stood outside in the brilliant sun and clear skies and a man came up to me and we talked and he was surprised I’d been in Kandahar, the ‘most dangerous’ city in the country and I told him I never felt in danger and I told him I wished I could move around Kabul, the shuttle between the school and the guesthouse was a drag and he told me a chilling story, in brief; last Friday his driver was late and when he left campus and tried to get a taxi a car stopped next to him and three men said they’d give him a ride, this man is an Afghan mind you, an engineer who is trying to go to the US to continue this studies, and they robbed him at gunpoint, the scar of the gun pressed against his forehead was  very evident, they took his laptop, smartphone, money, all his cards and they were driving out of the city until they hit a speed bump and the man flung himself out of the car and ran into the darkness.  CCTV cameras this morning saw him getting into the car and believe it police have two suspects.

He said I should be thankful I am being taken care of because if locals aren’t safe what would happen to me, I didn’t bring up the kind of danger I’d put myself in certain neighborhoods around America but I got his point. 

And I didn’t mention my talk with Qais the head of security two hours earlier.  I’m getting the message, it's not a coincidence to hear two stories like these today but I see the pattern.

So I should be thankful this divine mercy Sunday for being protected.  I should be thankful I still have relatively good health and eat occasionally different food.  I’m thankful I got good students and I don’t know if all of them want to learn English so they can leave the country but they are ok and I will work hard to help them improve their English.

I will also make an attempt to surround myself with goodness through meditation and prayer.  Really, I have a lot of time right now to do both.  I’ll start in fact tomorrow, I promise.  I know cultivating good mindfulness habits is healthy for the body and mind and spirit.  There is no other place on earth, ok maybe there are a few more, ok, maybe there are a lot more, places on earth that have lost their souls.  Kabul is just a wreck.  May my positive energy touch others and may I be the change I’d like to see in the next four months.

Good night.