waiting to sleep

I came back on the four pm transport and went right to bed with Moby but the book was too heavy to hold and dozed for an hour.  I got nothing to do.

Is all this free time exactly what you’d like to have anywhere else yes, man, I tell ya, you could go take a walk now to the French bakery and then stop back at zoom and get your black tea honey and juice.  I could.  I should.  A walk to the bakery might be the same distance as Finest but in the opposite direction. 

I don’t know what’s going on in the eating department but I am just not feeling it, cooking, that is, even pancakes sounds laborious, and I finished the remains of crackers and biscuits and I don’t know.  It doesn’t matter where you are, john, you’ll find something to bum you out, I don’t agree with that, Nepal isn’t a place that bums me out now that I didn’t find what I wasn’t supposed to look for anyways.  Buraimi, the here and now, a move to Europe is it, it’s all I’m going with and I can hardly imagine it’ll happen.  I should be excited, if it happens, brother, going back to school at this age, this is what it will be:  a working holiday.  A completely different activity, a year off from teaching, it’ll be good for everyone. 

And if one year of higher ed is enough where will I go.  I don’t know.  The last day of the month is here and it was a damn long one if you ask though the sky is a brilliant blue and light cotton clouds drift past another day over the ever beleaguered nation.

8:10pm—pancakes it was.  A pattern here, last night’s dinner was breakfast as well.  Tomorrow?  Well I’m outta juice and the bananas are getting to the point I can’t eat them, I could bake with them soon or now if there were any baking accoutrements to produce such palatal pleasantries which there aren’t. What to do.  Less than a month is beginning to feel like a really slow crawl and I shame myself for not getting on the treadmill again.  There is no excuse.

Ishmael’s encounter with the Harpooner in bed was surprisingly funny and easy to envision.  And this chapter it read fast like the author whose name I haven’t been able to remember all day….

Thomas Pynchon

So, that’s it today.  Maybe I’ll take all my medicine, watch a movie I have seen a hundred times and wait to sleep.  It’s that kind of place.